Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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