you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
