I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
