is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
