I feel like I'm in dance class right now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had to cum in my sink.
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