But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
