Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
