Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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