is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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