Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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