Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
