He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
