I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
