nut hugger
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
