On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize