it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
