yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
