The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
