im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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