I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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