I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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