i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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