I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize