i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
