guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
