oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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