the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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