i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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