dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
