If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
