My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize