just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
