you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
