My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
