You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
