your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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