then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
