is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
