im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
