The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
