My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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