i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
