Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
