8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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