we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
