How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
