I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
