apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
