quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
