Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
