you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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