Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
