Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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