Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
