i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
