I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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