You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
