Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
