just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
