I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize