Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
