Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
