You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
