I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
