this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
