Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
