the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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