That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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