I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He shit in the fireplace
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
