My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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