he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
