Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
