i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Your cock deserves a montage
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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