If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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