He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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