i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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